I have a monkey on my back and it is called Sudafed.

My name is Carla and I have been off Sudafed for 3 days and cannot breathe at all. It started last spring when the farmer next door planted his corn. I was so plugged up that I went to CVS and well really I sent Ed in. I may as well tell the truth here, to get me a box of Sudafed. Well since you can't have common allergy problems these days without the world thinking that you are concocting a batch of the recipe I did not want to go in and get my name on some watch list. (Ed doesn't care how man watch lists he is on since he so HATES the government and is innocent of any wrongdoing so bring on your lists idiots. So anyway Ed walks to the back of the store and says I'd like a box of Sudafed. The real stuff that you have to sign for. The pharmacy tech and everyone around stopped talking and stared. So finally a woman walks over and says you can only have so many grams of this a week. So Ed says well I have not ever bought any since this started so I'm good. Well someone must look like him that HAS been buying it because man she grabbed his license and started pecking away at her keyboard and after some considerable time she must have realized that he was telling the truth. So he finally got it. So anyway we had a dry summer and I was ok. Then this fall when the farmer started picking his corn I was back in the same stuffed up boat. So anyway Ed goes in to get me another box and they put him through the same shenanigans. Even though he had not bought any since last spring.  He finally got it and brought it out to the car and looks at me and says he is tired of being racially profiled. Poor white man with long hair and beard equals a maker of the recipe.